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The Myriad of Horrors Part 1
« Thread started on: Oct 3rd, 2008, 01:30am »
The Myriad of Horrors
By Paul Dale Roberts, HPI General Manager/Ghostwriter
& Shannon 'Ms. Macabre' McCabe, HPI President & Ghost Girl
It's Halloween night and my paranormal hotline cell phone rings. It's Shannon 'Ms. Macabre' McCabe. "Paul, get into the Ghost Tracker (my car) and get over here now! We have a hot investigation; I'm at the Cemetery on Broadway!" So, here I am zooming down Broadway Avenue in Sacramento, California and I pull up into the entrance gates of the Old City Cemetery. Shannon is waiting for me, wearing a slinky black skirt, stilettos, sunglasses and her flowing blonde hair blowing in the cool night breeze.
Paul: "Shannon's what's up?" Shannon: "You are not going to believe this, check this out!" Shannon hands me over a book called 'Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide'. Paul: "Ahhhh...Shannon, isn't this from some kid's movie?' Shannon: 'No, Paul, this is the real deal. Sure there was a kid's story and later a movie...but, it is based on reality, there was an actual Arthur Spiderwick. This is a different book from the movie. Take a look at Chapter 8."
I take the book from Shannon and start reading Chapter 8. It reads: "In the town of Sacramento, at Plot #13 of the Old City Cemetery, a portal will open when the tombstone of “Milestone” is turned sideways. The portal will take you to a house of unspeakable horrors; horrors that have taken a life of their own from the minds of the creative."
Paul: "What the?" Shannon: "I got the book from an old antique store in Sutter Creek, let's find the plot!"
Shannon and I, search the cemetery, we notice shadows moving about the tombs. Going through some tall grass, we finally locate Plot #13 and there is an old tombstone that reads: "Milestone Faced Eternity Quickly Died: 1872." With Shannon holding a flashlight, I struggled to turn the tombstone sideways. After about 15 minutes of tugging on this old tombstone, Shannon anxiously tapping her high heel on a rock and checking herself in her compact, I finally uprooted the slab and pushed it down sideways. Before my very eyes, the ground started trembling and the ground where the tombstone now rested opened up. Shannon screamed and I jumped backward! A blinding light came out of the ground and the tombstone was swallowed up by the hole in the ground. The light from the opening went straight up into the dark clouds in the sky. Before we knew it, large hail stones fell upon us and a portal appeared. We were being sucked into the portal. Shannon and I, began screaming at the top of our lungs as we were being sucked into the depths of the portal. We fell for what seemed like an eternity. As we could scream no more we found ourselves disheveled and in front of a rot iron gate to a four-story, Gothic Revival mansion.
Shannon: "Paul, I don't know what is worse, being sucked up in that portal, or hearing you scream like a little b***h!" Paul: "What are you talking about, I hardly screamed, I wasn’t even scared…look at that house! It makes the Munster's House, the Addam's Family House, the Amityville Horror House and the Rose Red Estate look like the freaking Holiday Inn!" Shannon: "Paul, how many houses do you need to mention, before you arrive at your point? You drive me insane. What the hell are we supposed to do now? I have broken my brand new Jimmy Choo’s and someone is going to pay!" Paul: "Shan, get off I disagree!" Shannon: "Trust me; I would never be ON your ass. So looks like our next move is to go and check out this nightmare of a house because we were obviously brought here for a reason… Shall we?” Paul: "Yep, right behind you, baby." Shannon: "Perv!"
We pulled on the massive gates to open them. They were locked, but there was no lock in sight. We tugged and tugged and when we finally gave up, the gates gave way and opened for us to enter.
Shannon: “Lovely. This looks like it’s going to be an interesting night. Did you get that on film, Paul?” Paul: “Sorry, I think I lost the video camera in the portal.” Shannon: “What kind of paranormal investigator are you Paul? You’re fired. Again! Come on, let’s go.” Paul: “I said I was sorry.” Shannon: “It’s cool, just stay with me tonight. No wandering off like you like to do, okay? Paul: “I promise.”
As we walked up the stone path to the massive mansion, we looked around. It was about as spooky and dark as the New Orleans bayou with Banyan trees with Weeping Willows all around. As we continued up the stone path we arrived at the staircase to the gigantic wooden doors. When we arrived at the top landing we looked at each other with a little hesitation.
Shannon: “You do it.” Paul: “Nooo way. You do it!”
Neither of us had to do it, the doors opened for us on their own! Shannon grabbed me by the arm as she led me into this insane nightmare. We both looked around as our curiosity peaked. Shannon was checking out the vast collection of gothic antiques in what appeared to be a parlor. I looked around for any clues that would explain to me why we were brought here by this unknown force. As I looked around for clues the doors slammed shut! Shannon let out a little scream and I jumped out of my skin! Paul: “Here we go again, Ms. Macabre!” Shannon chuckled and continued looking around. I found a beautiful stained glass window that appeared to be a Tiffany window. It was incredibly intricate and colorful with brilliant shades of red, purple, green and blue. Funny thing about it was this little circle in the center that you could see through to the outside. I peeked through the tiny circle and looked out into the grounds.
Shannon: "Paul, why are you looking out the window?" Paul: "Shannon, you aren't going to believe this, but I think I saw the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow ride past the house! Shannon:”What?! Well keep looking!” Paul: Now there is an ominous Black Cadillac driving by." Shannon: "Paul, it seems we are in a realm where various author's creations have taken up a life of their own, as dictated by Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide." Paul: "This can't be real, am I seeing werewolves being hunted down by the Dog Soldiers near that ridge?" Shannon: "Paul, how do you know all of these characters?" Paul: "I read a lot and watch a lot of movies." Shannon: "No, wonder you don't have any girlfriends. Come on, let's explore this place."
All of a sudden loud chimes are heard. Shannon: "I think that is the doorbell, answer it Paul." I open up the door and a man flashes his badge at me. Frank: "How's it going, I am Detective Frank Bullitt and behind me is the Blackwood Detective Agency. Why are you and the little lady in this house?" Paul: "What the hell? You look like Steve McQueen and the Blackwood Detective Agency...that sounds familiar? Hmmm. The Blackwood Detective Agency...as in HP Lovecraft? Oh man, this is getting crazy. Shaaaaannnnnoooon...get over here!" Shannon: "What's going on and what's with the McQueen lookalike?" Frank: "You two are in extreme danger, we are here to protect you." Shannon: "Danger from what?" Frank: "Well...like that!" Frank points to the stairwell and characters that we all know from fictional horror are walking down the staircase. Down the staircase comes Jigsaw, The Crypt Keeper, Norman Bates, Dexter, The Mummy, Frankenstein, goblins from the book Labyrinth, Ben Willis the Fisherman, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Damien Thorn, Jolly Roger, The Creeper, Ginger Snaps, Otis Firefly, The Woodland Critters from South Park, Carrie with blood running down her forehead, Vivian from the Line of Loup Garoux, The Boogeyman, Candyman and the original The Lost Boys with fangs baring!
Paul: "This doesn't look good!" Then out of nowhere Captain Jack Sparrow swings from the ceiling and tosses me a broad sword. Jack Sparrow: "There you are my good man, make it count!" Paul: "Thanks Jack!" Jack Sparrow sweeps up Shannon, plants a kiss on her lips and rescues her to the top of a massive crystal chandelier. Shannon looks down in horror as battle ensues. I notice that Shannon is left defenseless as creatures are throwing antiques at her to knock her down from the chandelier! Then out of nowhere swoops down Eragon on his dragon Saphira. Eragon grabs a hold of Shannon tightly and thrusts her onto Saphira's back. The dragon makes a terrifying cry as she swoops down at the assortment of monsters breathing out a firestorm from her mouth. Shannon thinks: "Eragon is pretty hot, but since we are in this dream state why couldn't it have been Emile Hirsch from Speedracer? Sigh."
From the rooftop, Dr. Reed Richards with extended arm grabs a hold of The Tall Man as he unleashes these wicked silver balls at me, they dart here and there and have blades coming out from them. I swipe each of the eight silver balls, and wonder to myself, why can't we have simple investigations, like something as simple as the Blair Witch, or even the Bell Witch for that matter? The Blackwood Detective Agency with their machine guns are doing a nice number on these monsters and joining them is Joseph 'Sky Captain' Sullivan with his laser gun and the tremendous key and gate known as Yog-Sothoth.
Even Abe Sapien joins in the battle. Thank goodness Abe is a good guy, I just wonder where Hellboy is? As the battle is in favor of the good guys, I could only smile. The bad guys are starting to go down one by one...except for Jason Voorhees that keeps popping up. Then out of nowhere a huge dust storm engulfs the battlefield. When the dust settles, Shannon and I, are standing alone. All of the fictional characters have vanished. We look where the house was and it vanished too. We are now in an open desert. From the distance, we see a lone figure walking towards us. We try to adjust our eyes. The figure becomes clearer and then we look at each other in astonishment. It's no other than Freddie Krueger! Freddie: "Fell asleep did ya? How did you love my nightmare? Did you really think the good guys would win?" Shannon: "You son of a b***h! I've always hated you!" Sh