Topic: Malevolent the Carmichael Talking Squirrel (Read 582 times)
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Malevolent the Carmichael Talking Squirrel
« Thread started on: Dec 19th, 2010, 8:16pm »
Malevolent the Carmichael Talking Squirrel
By Paul Dale Roberts, HPI General Manager
Last night while watching two movies ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader’ and ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ with HPI paranormal investigator Sherri Ulmer, I get a call. My paranormal cell phone vibrates in my pocket and the number that appears is unfamiliar. I listen to my voice mail and the call is marked ‘urgent’. I listen to the message and I had to walk out of the theatre to take the call. The story is remarkable and I missed the preview of the Green Hornet, before Harry Potter was to start. Special Note: The Green Hornet movie looks like it’s going to be awesome and I will provide you with the preview here:
Paul: Hi, I just got your call…am I hearing you right…a talking squirrel? Please explain.
Jesse: I live in Carmichael and I was not drunk or anything, but I have poltergeist activity in my house.
Paul: Poltergeist activity? And what is with the talking squirrel? Like Rocky the Squirrel? (chuckle). I couldn’t hear your name clearly on the phone, what is your name again? I am sorry.
Jesse: Jesse Saldana. Please, don’t laugh, I am serious. Yes, I will tell you about the squirrel, but can I talk first about the poltergeist activity first?
Paul: Sure and I apologize for laughing, I didn’t mean any harm.
Jesse: That’s okay, I know it sounds stupid, but it’s true. Late at night, cabinets open up, chairs move across the room, knockings are heard, this all started about a year ago.
Paul: Anything significant happened a year ago?
Jesse: No, not really.
Paul: Nothing..did you purchase anything or bring anything to your home, that you would consider unusual?
Jesse: Funny you would say that, I bought some old tarot cards from an antique store.
Paul: Get rid of them! I believe that may be the cause of your problems. How much did you pay for them?
Jesse: $150.00. They were really old.
Paul: You are going to take a loss of $150.00, because you are going to get rid of them. Are you okay with that?
Jesse: Yes. How should I get rid of them?
Paul: Take them to hallowed sacred ground, like a cemetery and bury them.
Jesse: Are you sure?
Paul: Yes, I am sure, when you do that I will conduct a blessing of your home. Now tell me about the squirrel.
Jesse: Well, two nights ago there was this squirrel that was perched on my fence, I went over with my cell phone to take a picture of the squirrel and I noticed it had red eyes, it looked at me and said: “your time is near!” and it scurried off. I started crying and fell to my knees, I was so scared. Have you ever heard of anything like this?
Paul: Yes, there was a talking mongoose (actually a talking weasel) named Gef and in the 1930s he was talking to all of the villagers on the Isle of Man. Gef claimed he was born in New Delhi, India in 1852. He was full of wit and sometimes threatening remarks. He was even known to sing Home on the Range. Some people theorize Gef was possessed by an evil spirit. Have you seen this squirrel again?
Jesse: No, should I be afraid?
Paul: Extremely! This squirrel is definitely malevolent and is connected to the poltergeist activity. I want you to get rid of the tarot cards immediately and I want you to bury them at: -------------- Cemetery. Will you do this?
Jesse: Yes, tomorrow.
Paul: Okay, keep me appraised on what occurs after the burial. If the activity continues, I will schedule you for an investigation and cleansing. When you get rid of the cards, I will come over for a blessing of your home, are you okay with that?
Jesse: Yes! Thank you for all your help! I will be in touch.
Paul: You are welcome and god bless.
Jesse: You are an interesting man!
Paul: I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis, Stay thirsty, my friends.
Jesse: (Laughter), you are funny! Thank you for brigtening up my day.
Paul: You are welcome, I will be in touch. Good bye.
Jesse: Bye. Click.
Paul Dale Roberts, HPI General Manager
aka The Demon Warrior
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